Scientology & Beavers

1. A new study shows that drinking too much cola can result in serious problems with vital muscle functions. A pregnant 21 year old woman in the study drank up to 3 liters of cola a day and complained of fatigue, appetite loss and frequent vomiting. Read all about it in the latest issue of Why Am I Puking All The Time?

2. Today, well known producer Phil Spector was sentenced to 19 years in prison for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson. His hair will serve 20 years.


3. Wikipedia has reportedly banned the Church of Scientology from editing its own Wiki pages in an effort to stop "self-serving edits" that push partisan agendas. Lord Xenu, leader of the Galactic Confederacy, could not be reached for comment.

4. Today in a news conference a health official at the CDC said that the U.S. may have a swine flu vaccination by October. That news conference was directly followed by major media outlets predicting full planet extinction due to swine flu by August.

5. In Scotland, 11 beavers were reintroduced to the wild on Friday after a 400 year gap in their existence. As a country famous for kilts, clearly no joke exists about Scotland and its "beaver gaps."

High five.