Liberty University & Unsupervised Babies

1. Yesterday, Queen Elizabeth was presented with a special gold-plated Nintendo Wii, care of the video game company THQ. The Queen is reported to be a big fan of the Wii system, and in a statement said, "I am overjoyed with this limited edition Wii gaming system, and it's so much better than the gold-plated XBOX360 subscription bill I get from Microsoft each month."

2. A 56 year old babysitter was arrested Wednesday after leaving the infant she was watching in the car to go play video games in a gas station. The infant had reportedly been left in the car for about 25 minutes and police say the windows were rolled down only an inch. However, to be fair to the babysitter, she was playing the hit game Rescue the Unsupervised Baby.

3. Georgia Republican Rep. Paul Broun has put forth a bill that will make 2010 the "Year of the Bible." The bill so far has only 15 co-sponsors, all Republican, but Broun insists this is not a partisan issue. "We want to include all kinds of people in this," says Broun. "Everyone from pasty white God-fearing Christian folks to egg shell white God-fearing Christian folks."

4. A Federal District Court judge is preparing to rule on a case between Hollywood movie companies and RealNetworks Inc., a company whose software allows users to make copies of DVD films. Judge Marilyn Hall Patel isn't ready to rule, but says she will as soon as her new copy of WALL-E ejects.

5. The College Democrats Club at Liberty University, the private college founded by the late Jerry Falwell, has been banned by the institution because they say the group "stands against the conservative Christian school's moral principles." The school's Chancellor Jerry Falwell, Jr. said in an interview, "They're great Christian kids. I hope they'll find a Democratic organization that is pro-life and pro-family so they can become endorsed." The remaining members of the College Democrats Club have already returned to their broken homes and killed themselves.

High five.