Kim Kardashian & Missing Links

1. On Tuesday the Senate passed a bill placing new restrictions on credit card companies, requiring them to be clearer and less deceiving in the wording of their terms. For instance, when a credit card company is going to financially rape you, they must now specify plunger handle, worn out golf club grip, or the industry standard big, black dildo.

2. Reality TV's Kim Kardashian has released a series of workout videos entitled "Fit Into Your Jeans By Friday." Step 1) Buy jeans that would fit Kim Kardashian's ass. Don't worry, the video includes a belt.

3. Today in New York scientists revealed a 47 million year old skeleton that they say is the missing link in human evolution. Its more human features include opposable thumbs and forward facing eyes. But the most startling similarity is the tiny credit card bill found next the specimen.



4. A Polish man appeared in a London court on Friday after being arrested for hiring a prostitute to take the virginity of his 14 year old son. However, no verdict could be heard over all the high fiving.

5. An 11 year old boy from Utah has set a world record attaching 43 snails to his face for ten seconds. The boy tried multiple times before and says now that he's set this record, he's going to try for others. My guess is longest dating drought.

High five.