Monday, January 31, 2011

IOU - RNC

1. The RNC today reported that they are nearly $28 million in debt.  However, experts say this figure is significantly lowered if they can deduct the lap dances.

2. The show Two and a Half Men could be out millions of dollars if production stops due to Charlie Sheen's recent entry into drug rehab.  The show's producers say payig the cast will be the most expensive part but that they'll save some money now that they don't have to hold an audience hostage at gun point to create laughter.

3. Former New Kids on the Block singer Jonathan Knight said in a recent interview that, despite recently being outed by former girlfriend and singer Tiffany, he was never really "in the closet."  Read all about it in this month's issue of No Shit, You Don't Say! magazine.

4. Britney Spears has a new album called "Hold It Against Me" that is set to release March 15th. This will be followed soon after by a poorly planned marriage March 16th, a sloppy divorce March 17th, and a creepy new haircut March 18th.

5. As rioting and mass protests continue to erupt all over Egypt, no one is sure exactly how the anarchy will end.  On a positive note, even if it does end badly, in a thousand years people will just think aliens did it.

High five.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Oh, The Bachmannity!

After Paul Ryan's GOP response, Michele Bachmann will provide the second rebuttal to President Obama's State of the Union speech on behalf of the Tea Party.  Experts predict Bachmann's speech will unite all citizens to view each other equally, since everyone will have gouged their own eyes out.