1. Over 300 million eggs from Wright County Egg of Galt, Iowa have been recalled due to potential salmonella contamination. Experts say returning the eggs will be expensive for the distributor, and very painful for the chickens.
2. According to a new Associated Press poll, 6 in 10 Americans oppose the war in Afghanistan. When presented with a map of Afghanistan, the remaining 4 in 10 couldn't locate their own pointer finger.
3. It was reported on Thursday that North Korea opened its own Facebook account. US officials confirmed the page's legitimacy after the rogue nation's first status update, "Nukes 4eva!"
4. A new study concerning the Creation Museum in Kentucky says that the depository may alienate more visitors than it attracts with it creationism message. Though when told you are technically related to everyone you've ever dated, perhaps a little alienation is just what the doctor ordered.
5. According to a new study, eating fish oil with a low fat/high carb diet may decrease your cholesterol. Researcher add, however, that it will also increase your distance from other people.
High five.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Boobie Trap
1. French police say they've captured three teenage girls who reportedly robbed dozens of men at ATMs by flashing their breasts and then taking the dispensed money while the men were distracted. Most of the men admitted it was an embarrassing way to be robbed. Wonderfully, wonderfully robbed.
2. A federal grand jury on Thursday indicted former baseball player Roger Clemens for lying to Congress about steroid use. Clemens has long denied the use of steroids but says that he will appear in court, as soon as all the doors to the courtroom are expanded many feet.
3. On Thursday the last American combat brigade left Iraq, signaling the near end to combat operations in the country. "Now that all Al Qaeda members have been chased out or killed, it's time to bring our troops home," said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. Gates then cracked up saying, "I'm just fuckin' with you, Al Qaeda was never there."
4. Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin says he may or may not start QB Ben Roethlisberger against the Giants this Saturday. Heh, like the word "no" has ever stopped Roethlisberger before.
5. Kat Von D of the show LA Ink on Wednesday said despite her new boyfriend Jesse James' past that she had a lot of respect for him. "I think that I'm his type on a different level than people would assume. Just because I have tattoos doesn't mean we're the perfect match." Von D then pooped a tattoo.
High five.
2. A federal grand jury on Thursday indicted former baseball player Roger Clemens for lying to Congress about steroid use. Clemens has long denied the use of steroids but says that he will appear in court, as soon as all the doors to the courtroom are expanded many feet.
3. On Thursday the last American combat brigade left Iraq, signaling the near end to combat operations in the country. "Now that all Al Qaeda members have been chased out or killed, it's time to bring our troops home," said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. Gates then cracked up saying, "I'm just fuckin' with you, Al Qaeda was never there."
4. Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin says he may or may not start QB Ben Roethlisberger against the Giants this Saturday. Heh, like the word "no" has ever stopped Roethlisberger before.
5. Kat Von D of the show LA Ink on Wednesday said despite her new boyfriend Jesse James' past that she had a lot of respect for him. "I think that I'm his type on a different level than people would assume. Just because I have tattoos doesn't mean we're the perfect match." Von D then pooped a tattoo.
High five.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Senate Angler
1. In an interview with the NYTimes, U.S. senate candidate Sharron Angle compared herself to the founding fathers, saying that she's getting a lot of the same criticism they probably incurred. Angle then called the NYTimes back to clarify she didn't believe she was JUST LIKE the founding fathers. Well she didn't call back, but one of her slaves did.
2. After a few embarrassing missteps, Ben Quayle, son of former vice president Dan Quayle, has reportedly lost his significant poll lead in his run for an Arizona congressional seat. And with this, the otherwise proud Quayle name may be forever tainted by instances of embarrassment and incompetence.
3. Last week musician Ted Nugent pleaded no contest to shooting a baited deer in the woods of Northern California, illegal in the state. Officials wouldn't say with what Nugent baited the animal, but it's safe to assume it wasn't his sweet guitar stylings.
4. Brett Favre held a press conference today to announce that he will return to the Minnesota Vikings to play football in the 2010 season. Favre will hold another press conference tomorrow to discuss his possible return in 2011.
5. Scientists in the Amazon says they've discovered a new species of bearded monkey, and add that it will go directly to the endangered species list due to its very low numbers. Researchers say their dwindling population isn't because of humans but rather the bearded monkey's natural rival, the shaving monkey.
High five.
2. After a few embarrassing missteps, Ben Quayle, son of former vice president Dan Quayle, has reportedly lost his significant poll lead in his run for an Arizona congressional seat. And with this, the otherwise proud Quayle name may be forever tainted by instances of embarrassment and incompetence.
3. Last week musician Ted Nugent pleaded no contest to shooting a baited deer in the woods of Northern California, illegal in the state. Officials wouldn't say with what Nugent baited the animal, but it's safe to assume it wasn't his sweet guitar stylings.
4. Brett Favre held a press conference today to announce that he will return to the Minnesota Vikings to play football in the 2010 season. Favre will hold another press conference tomorrow to discuss his possible return in 2011.
5. Scientists in the Amazon says they've discovered a new species of bearded monkey, and add that it will go directly to the endangered species list due to its very low numbers. Researchers say their dwindling population isn't because of humans but rather the bearded monkey's natural rival, the shaving monkey.
High five.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Without A Grace
1. Nancy Grace was taken to a hospital Monday after suffering a broken foot at the office. Finally seeing their chance, seven kidnapped children escaped to freedom.
2. According to a recent report, Fox News' parent company News Corp donated $1 million to the Republican Governors Association this last June. Read the full story in this week's issue of "Wasted Print Quarterly."
3. Heidi Montag's famous plastic surgeon, Dr. Frank Ryan, died on Monday at the age of 50. The cause of death has been determined as extreme exhaustion.
4. While discussing the future of Google recently, CEO Eric Schmidt says, "[People] want Google to tell them what they should be doing next." Experts and media analysts believe that may be a bit of a stretch, but aren't sure, and await further instruction.
5. GM announced today that it is recalling 250,000 vehicles because the seat belts may not latch securely. The company says they don't know specifically which 250,000 are affected, so try 'em out!
High five.
2. According to a recent report, Fox News' parent company News Corp donated $1 million to the Republican Governors Association this last June. Read the full story in this week's issue of "Wasted Print Quarterly."
3. Heidi Montag's famous plastic surgeon, Dr. Frank Ryan, died on Monday at the age of 50. The cause of death has been determined as extreme exhaustion.
4. While discussing the future of Google recently, CEO Eric Schmidt says, "[People] want Google to tell them what they should be doing next." Experts and media analysts believe that may be a bit of a stretch, but aren't sure, and await further instruction.
5. GM announced today that it is recalling 250,000 vehicles because the seat belts may not latch securely. The company says they don't know specifically which 250,000 are affected, so try 'em out!
High five.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Implode Warrior
1. On Sunday Mel Gibson crashed his sports car into a Malibu hillside adding to his ever increasing negative press. Police say alcohol was not involved but that he unfortunately crashed into Jew Hill.
2. Reality star Tia Tequila was rushed off stage at an Insane Clown Posse music festival Friday when the crowd began throwing rocks and even feces at her. After 25 were arrested, and one man was stabbed, it was clear the Insane Clown Posse fans would not be able to conclude their festival as usual with a critical reading of Foucault.
3. Democrats say that they may slash the food stamp budget to pay for Michelle Obama's anti-obesity program called "Let's Move." Not because there's no money to pay for it, but because American's are now too fat to pick up their food stamps.
4. A research team in Pennsylvania who uncovered the bones of Irish immigrants in a mass grave a year ago believe that many of them died from violence, a result of anti-Irish sentiment of time. The researchers refused to say more until the remains went through detox.
5. Folk singer Bob Dylan will unveil over 40 new paintings done by him in September at the National Gallery of Denmark. Critics say those who love Dylan's music will probably react similarly to his paintings: "What?"
High five.
2. Reality star Tia Tequila was rushed off stage at an Insane Clown Posse music festival Friday when the crowd began throwing rocks and even feces at her. After 25 were arrested, and one man was stabbed, it was clear the Insane Clown Posse fans would not be able to conclude their festival as usual with a critical reading of Foucault.
3. Democrats say that they may slash the food stamp budget to pay for Michelle Obama's anti-obesity program called "Let's Move." Not because there's no money to pay for it, but because American's are now too fat to pick up their food stamps.
4. A research team in Pennsylvania who uncovered the bones of Irish immigrants in a mass grave a year ago believe that many of them died from violence, a result of anti-Irish sentiment of time. The researchers refused to say more until the remains went through detox.
5. Folk singer Bob Dylan will unveil over 40 new paintings done by him in September at the National Gallery of Denmark. Critics say those who love Dylan's music will probably react similarly to his paintings: "What?"
High five.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Mellow Yellow Fugitive
1. One of three escaped convicts was caught near Yellowstone on Monday, after being on the run for just 10 days. With his partners still loose somewhere between Wyoming and Montana, Tracy Province, 42, said he was relieved to have been caught. Upon hearing this, police looked confused and then replied, "Yeah? Well... maybe we changed our minds."
2. Us Magazine reports today that actor Hayden Christensen and actress Rachel Bilson have called off their wedding and engagement to take some time away from each other. No word yet on the reasoning but sources say Bilson finally got around to seeing Star Wars Episode 2 and 3.
3. On Monday, US engineer Noshir Gowadia was convicted of selling military secrets to China and prosecutors say he pocketed over $100K from the operation. Federal authorities were aware of a leak but were only tipped off to Gowadia when they discovered his vanity license plate said "SHHHHH."
4. Letitia A. Long is now the first woman to head a major US intelligence agency after taking her post as chief at the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency on Monday. Thus ends the long tradition of inaugurating chiefs with a paid female intern and a stripper pole made from redacted UFO documents.
5. Republicans in the House are pushing for a bill that will give them a tax-funded, two month recess after the midterm elections in order to stop Democrats from passing bills during the "lame duck" period. In future news, Rep. John Boehner returned to his duties after a two month vacation on the surface of the Sun.
High five.
2. Us Magazine reports today that actor Hayden Christensen and actress Rachel Bilson have called off their wedding and engagement to take some time away from each other. No word yet on the reasoning but sources say Bilson finally got around to seeing Star Wars Episode 2 and 3.
3. On Monday, US engineer Noshir Gowadia was convicted of selling military secrets to China and prosecutors say he pocketed over $100K from the operation. Federal authorities were aware of a leak but were only tipped off to Gowadia when they discovered his vanity license plate said "SHHHHH."
4. Letitia A. Long is now the first woman to head a major US intelligence agency after taking her post as chief at the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency on Monday. Thus ends the long tradition of inaugurating chiefs with a paid female intern and a stripper pole made from redacted UFO documents.
5. Republicans in the House are pushing for a bill that will give them a tax-funded, two month recess after the midterm elections in order to stop Democrats from passing bills during the "lame duck" period. In future news, Rep. John Boehner returned to his duties after a two month vacation on the surface of the Sun.
High five.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Photo High Five #21
A Fairbanks, Alaska comic collector put his extremely rare Batman no.1 issue up for sale this week, and it's expected to fetch around $40,000 at auction. The man says he'll use the money to buy something for his girlfriend... who you haven't met... and lives up north... in the arctic circle.
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