Monday, August 16, 2010

Implode Warrior

1. On Sunday Mel Gibson crashed his sports car into a Malibu hillside adding to his ever increasing negative press. Police say alcohol was not involved but that he unfortunately crashed into Jew Hill.

2. Reality star Tia Tequila was rushed off stage at an Insane Clown Posse music festival Friday when the crowd began throwing rocks and even feces at her. After 25 were arrested, and one man was stabbed, it was clear the Insane Clown Posse fans would not be able to conclude their festival as usual with a critical reading of Foucault.

3. Democrats say that they may slash the food stamp budget to pay for Michelle Obama's anti-obesity program called "Let's Move." Not because there's no money to pay for it, but because American's are now too fat to pick up their food stamps.

4. A research team in Pennsylvania who uncovered the bones of Irish immigrants in a mass grave a year ago believe that many of them died from violence, a result of anti-Irish sentiment of time. The researchers refused to say more until the remains went through detox.

5. Folk singer Bob Dylan will unveil over 40 new paintings done by him in September at the National Gallery of Denmark. Critics say those who love Dylan's music will probably react similarly to his paintings: "What?"

High five.