1. French police say they've captured three teenage girls who reportedly robbed dozens of men at ATMs by flashing their breasts and then taking the dispensed money while the men were distracted. Most of the men admitted it was an embarrassing way to be robbed. Wonderfully, wonderfully robbed.
2. A federal grand jury on Thursday indicted former baseball player Roger Clemens for lying to Congress about steroid use. Clemens has long denied the use of steroids but says that he will appear in court, as soon as all the doors to the courtroom are expanded many feet.
3. On Thursday the last American combat brigade left Iraq, signaling the near end to combat operations in the country. "Now that all Al Qaeda members have been chased out or killed, it's time to bring our troops home," said Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. Gates then cracked up saying, "I'm just fuckin' with you, Al Qaeda was never there."
4. Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin says he may or may not start QB Ben Roethlisberger against the Giants this Saturday. Heh, like the word "no" has ever stopped Roethlisberger before.
5. Kat Von D of the show LA Ink on Wednesday said despite her new boyfriend Jesse James' past that she had a lot of respect for him. "I think that I'm his type on a different level than people would assume. Just because I have tattoos doesn't mean we're the perfect match." Von D then pooped a tattoo.
High five.
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