Grand Theft Auto & Health Care

1. The scandalous Jon and Kate Gosselin, of the reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, continue to make headlines with their latest season premiere reaching a record 9.8 million viewers. However, as ratings analysts point out, about 8 million of those viewers are Gosselin children.

2. Critics of Obama's Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor are citing her diabetes as a reason to withdraw the nomination, saying her health could be an issue. Medical experts however say, with care, Sotomayor will live a long life and see no reason her Type 1 diabetes should affect her ability to perform the duties of Justice. Now, as for the annual Supreme Court Justice Candy Bar Jamboree, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

3. Major health insurer UnitedHealth Group said Wednesday that it had a number of suggestions regarding the health care industry that could save the U.S. about $540 billion over 10 years. Before the UnitedHealth representative could pull the plan from his briefcase, however, Obama stopped him and said, "I hope this isn't a plan about shooting all old people into space," at which point the UnitedHealth representative quietly packed up and exited.

4. Christian video game company Digital Praise is looking to remake Grand Theft Auto but with a wholesome, Christian spin. CEO Tom Bean believes that after they take out all the swearing, violence, and illegal activity, they should have a game that is still fun and stays true to the Christian faith. So this Christmas look for Digital Praise's new hit game Christian Pong.

5. The Guiness Record holder for "The Most Lawsuits Filed" has filed a lawsuit against the Guiness Book of Records for labeling him as the person with "The Most Lawsuits Filed." In an unrelated story, the same man has recently made the Guiness Book of Records again after becoming the first man ever to be killed by the sheer will of others.

High five.