Kobe Bryant & 9/11 Jokes

1. China reported its first case of swine flu on Monday. A 30 year old man flew from St. Louis to Chengdu then fell ill with what was later confirmed as the A (H1N1) virus, or swine flu. On a brighter note, most U.S. swine flu cases are being shipped to China like everything else.

2. The Houston Rockets defeated the L.A. Lakers Sunday in what was arguably Kobe Bryant's worst performance of the series. Bryant went 7 for 17, scored just 15 points, and failed to rape any women.

3. The White House distanced itself from Wanda Sykes after the comedian's act at the Correspondents' Dinner where she joked that Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. "9/11 is not comedy," said Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. "I mean, I personally would choke Limbaugh to death, but let's wait a few years to start making 9/11 jokes. Like with the Holocaust."

4. New York City's Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) approved a plan on Monday to raise subway fares from $2.00 to $2.25. The increase in price is the result of falling revenues due to the economic recession. The MTA says, however, it is trying to change as little as possible. For instance, the peeing hobo dressed in Spiderman pajamas will remain.

5. On Sunday Dick Cheney said he favored Rush Limbaugh's Republican party over Colin Powell's Republican Party. You have to feel bad for Republicans. The choice between a rushed dick and a rushed colon is really no choice at all.

High five.