Providence & Chinese Thievery

1. Craigslist has announced plans to monitor adult ads on its site and do away with its "Erotic Services" category altogether. The move came due mostly to political pressure after a 23 year old medical student from Boston used Craigslist to find and kill a masseuse. Oh, I see, so one guy gets caught killing a hooker and now we all have to suffer?

2. North Korea said in a statement today that it would put two U.S. journalists on trial in June after they were arrested for entering the country illegally with "hostile" intent. Their execution is scheduled for tomorrow.

3. The mayor of Providence, Rhode Island says he wants to tax college students that attend Brown University $150 per semester. Mayor David Cicilline says the fee would raise more than $6 million to help shrink the city's $17 million deficit. Because who better to take pressure off taxpayers than nature's wealthiest creature: the college student.

4. A Chinese official was arrested after he stole the exam results from one girl and tried to pass them off as his daughter's so that she would get into college. Allegedly the official stopped the girl on the playground and said, "Gimme your exams." The girl replied, "No, make me, I triple dog dare you." The official then said, "I eat dog, duh; I'm Chinese." The girl then said, "You're stupid." To which the official replied, "If I'm so stupid then why have you had like a million abortions already to maintain population control?" The girl then dropped her exam results and ran off crying as the official gave a bellied laugh.

5. Former Miss USA Shanna Moekler resigned her post as co-executive director of the Miss California USA pageant on Wednesday after the now-controversial Miss California Carrie Prejean was allowed to keep her crown. Read all about that and an interview with Dick Cheney in the next issue of Oh My God Who Keeps Putting A Microphone In Front Of You People? Monthly.

High five.