Twilight & Toilet Snakes

1. Microsoft's soon-to-be latest operating system (OS) Windows 7 is said to contain a Windows XP mode, for those who prefer the older system. Unfortunately, in order to run XP mode, users will need a more modern CPU that is capable of hardware virtualization. Let me get this straight... Microsoft is releasing an expensive, new OS that will also contain the old OS. In order to run the old OS, however, we need a newer (more expensive) computer to replace the one we have now, which is currently running the old OS? I feel like this is why doves cry.

2. A woman in St. Louis discovered the script to the highly anticipated and highly secretive Twilight sequel sitting in a trash bin. No one is exactly sure how the script ended up being tossed in the trash, but upon hearing the news, the makers of Matthew McConaughey's Ghosts of Girlfriends Past said, "You can do that?"

3. NASA reported Monday that the Martian rover Spirit is stuck in the soft soil on Mars. With the wheels half-buried, NASA will practice with a test rover on Earth to hopefully remedy the situation. However, the Spirit has already sent word back to scientists saying thanks but the rover's unemployed rover friend is already on his way, right after he levels up his World of Warcraft character.

4. A Taiwanese man sitting on a toilet experienced an urban legend-come-true on Monday when a snake came up threw the toilet plumbing and bit his penis. In unrelated news, I no longer poop.

5. With the release of a convicted American journalist from an Iranian prison, experts believe the country's government is perhaps more philosophically split than once thought. Journalist Roxana Saberi had been held in Iran since January after being sentenced to 8 years in prison for spying. Documents released by Iran show that government leaders were unsure how to handle the delicate situation. For instance, some Iranian leaders wanted the journalist stoned to death, while others believed she should prepare a meal for them, bear their children, and then be stoned to death.

High five.