Cheney Is A Dick & Clinton Statue Erection

1. On Sunday in Kosovo, former President Clinton attended the unveiling of a new statue of himself in a boulevard that also bears his name. Despite Clinton's wishes, officials did not allow the sculptor to add multiple women surrounding the 42nd president. They did however honor his request that the boulevard be only one way, "because I don't go both ways," said Clinton.

2. On Monday, police brought charges against a man accused of stalking American Idol host Ryan Seacrest and may face up to four years in prison. The charges normally call for a longer sentence, but the judge felt by stalking Ryan Seacrest the man clearly had reached rock bottom.

3. In a recent interview country Hall of Famer George Jones criticized modern country music for using the "country music" label. "They need to ... find their own title because it's definitely not traditional country music," said Jones. Jones has just released a CD collection of his most requested country songs through Crack Barrel Old Country Store, recently voted as having the best bathrooms for sneaking off and feeling up your hot cousin.

4. During questioning with the FBI, Dick Cheney reportedly couldn't recall or even refused to answer 72 times in regards to the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame. Still, CIA officials point out that his refusal to answer was preferable to the 187 other instances when he calmly muttered to everyone in the room, "Go fuck yourselves."

5. On Sunday, Rush Limbaugh criticized President Obama calling him "immature, inexperienced, and in over his head." Limbaugh then pulled a sweaty and completely submerged Obama from the marshmallow-like substance that is his belly fat.

High five.