Birth Control & Remote Control

1. The USDA released a report today saying that almost 46 million Americans, about 1 in 7 households are struggling to put enough food on the table. Obama called the trend "unsettling," but said Congress had a plan to fight hunger woven into the health care bill. However, reporters didn't seem to notice anything different about congress members as they entered work today, except of course for the complimentary copies of Soylent Green being handed out.

2. A new government task force is changing the common advice on mammograms, saying women shouldn't bother with mammograms until they're at least 50, rather than 40's as previously thought. The group led by doctors and scientists found that checking too early led to false alarms and needless biopsies. Despite the news, the guy in the airbrushed van outside my apartment insists he will continue to provide mammograms for women of all ages free of charge.

3. Heidi Pratt is reportedly ready to strike back at husband Spencer Pratt after he threatened to get a vasectomy behind her back. Spencer has made it clear that he doesn't want children but Heidi says she may stop using her birth control to get what she wants. Oh my god, I agree with Spencer Pratt: you guys breeding is really not in the best interest of anyone.

4. Lou Dobbs told Bill O'Reilly on Monday that he planned to stay in the "public arena," after leaving CNN. Onlookers say the two TV men got along very well before and after the interview. This added to the speculation that Dobbs may come over to Fox News, a notion strengthened even further that night when Dobbs and O'Reilly went out for a beer and then beat up some illegals.

5. Ken Ober, the host of MTV's Remote Control game show from the 80's, died over the weekend at the age of 52. Authorities arrived at Ober's house on Saturday and found him lying in between the couch cushions. Ober was declared dead shortly after different pairs of batteries were administered yet unsuccessful.

High five.