UCLA & WWJD

1. Members of the University of California Board of Regents today approved a 32% tuition hike amid angry protests by students. Tuition in-state is now estimated to be well over $10,000. Across campus, one UC fraternity sadly emptied the change-filled keg labeled "World's Largest Freestanding Bong Construction Fund."

2. Former NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani is reportedly planning a senate run in 2010 to complete the remaining two years of Hillary Clinton's term, which she failed to complete after becoming Secretary of State. Giuliani's exploratory committee has already come up with a number of campaign slogans, including "*cough* 9/11 *cough*," "Ahh! There's a Terrorist On Your Jacket Sleeve!" and "Bin Laden Has Gained the Power of Invisibility and Only I Have the Power To Detect Him."

3. Oprah Winfrey today announced that she will be ending her long-running talk show in 2011. 2011 will be her 25th season on the air, and impressive feat for someone who, as Winfrey points out, "came from nothing," created a billion dollar empire and amassed a huge following. Winfrey says her final show will end with her legions of fans being ceremoniously untagged and released to roam free in the wild.

4. Baseball writers voted on Thursday to give Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum the Cy Young Award for the second straight year. Lincecum made news in October when he was arrested for marijuana possession during a traffic stop. Reporters question Lincecum about the incident during a conference call. The Giants' pitcher elaborated on what happened, though most reporters didn't stick around for the entire 18 hour conference call (with fridge breaks).

5. In an interview with CBN, Sarah Palin, in the midst of a book tour, calls her critics "lonely people ... shallow people ... we need to pray for these people." Palin then told the interviewer that they needed to "keep things in perspective." Oh, well, from this perspective, it looks like you -- the mother of an unwed teenage mom -- are on a Christian TV station actively judging others in promotion of a money-making venture. Care to put your cigarette out in Jesus' hand holes?

High five.