Facebook Finance & Sinful Contact? No Chance

1. A new study released today shows that in the past year 1 in 7 parents have had a grown up child move back in with them. Experts say that with a struggling economy and a bleak job market, the data is not surprising. See, mom, struggling economy, bleak job market... NOW, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!

2. Today Facebook created a dual-class stock structure aimed at giving stockholders control over the company. The company says they have no plans to go public, but experts say this may be the first step. 19 year old Facebook user Skylar Swenson clicked 'Like,' but then decided she wants to see stronger liquidity and more balanced ratios of Debt to Equity across their Business Units, and quickly 'Unliked.'

3. Google announced Tuesday that it will post over 14,000 photos of Iraqi artifacts as part of an effort to document the Iraqi Museum, ransacked by looters just after the fall of Saddam Hussein in 2003. "The history of the beginning of civilization is made right here and is preserved here in this museum," said Google chief Eric Schmidt. Schmidt was then kidnapped by Iraqi militants using Gmail, Google Maps, and Google's Android phone.

4. Harpo Productions, the company which produces Oprah Winfrey's show, says that there are no plans to do "Oprah's Favorite Things," a seasonal episode where Oprah gives her audience members high priced merchandise for free. "Favorite Things" has made headlines in the past for giving away items like big screen TVs, pricey appliances, and even trips. Oprah's audience will just have to settle for Oprah's favorite brand of surgically implanted, mind control technology.

5. A Christian youth rap group is preaching the benefits of what they call the "side-hug" and trying to deter unmarried Christians from engaging in normal "front hugs" which could result in sinful contact. This of course will change to the "air-hug" when young Christian boys realize the "side-hug" just allows for optimum boob copping.

High five.