Chris Brown & Green Day

1. Jive Records announced today that Chris Brown's new album Graffiti will be released one week earlier than planned, December 8th rather than December 15th. No word on exactly what prompted the release date to be changed, but insiders say Brown was "eager to get it out there," and Jive's CEO did come out of a meeting with a knife in his eye.

2. In Florida, a prison guard assaulted by an inmate was rescued when two other inmates pulled his attacker off him, with one even radioing other guards. That is going to be an awkward Christmas card: "Thanks for saving my life... sorry about all the shower rape I looked the other way on."

3. It's been announced that Green Day will perform during NBC's New Year's Eve with Carson Daly. "I'm beyond excited," says Daly. NBC is also looking to make it into the record book that night by setting the record for most times an audience thought or wished that a celebrity was already dead.

4. It's been reported that over $71 million dollars was spent for lobbying by companies who were recently bailed out by taxpayers. And experts say most of these companies are actually lobbying for more bailout money. However, analysts all agree, taxpayers will be particularly angry when they discover these companies are lobbying for discounts on "solid gold bailout money containers."

5. President Obama recently held a White House Tribal Nations Conference promising a new effort in America's relationship to the Native Americans. "You will not be forgotten as long as I'm in this White House," said Obama, signing a memorandum to improve tribes participation in government policy. A Native American man then teared up as the President walked away without the returning the pen he took from him.

High five.