Cubs Season & Dobbs Season

1. Today the White House credited the latest stimulus for saving and creating over 600,000 jobs. Administration officials say this keeps America on track for reaching the President's goal of 3.5 million jobs by the end of next year. However, critics point out that the 99% of the jobs created were professional teabaggers.

2. On Friday President Obama said the U.S. will eliminate a decades-old ban which denies people entry into the country if they have HIV. "If we want to be the global leader in combating HIV/AIDS, we need to act like it," said Obama. "Didn't you see the previews for that movie? The world's gonna end in 2012 anyway, so who gives a shit?"

3. The Ricketts family, the new owners of the Chicago Cubs, said Friday at a Wrigley Field news conference that they don't believe in the curse. "I'll be honest. I think we have a team that can do it next year," said Tom Ricketts. Ricketts added, "And the Palestinians and Israelis? They'll start gettin' along real soon. And all these Mexican gangs we keep hearin' about? They'll see the error of their ways before you know it."

4. Records were dug up today to show that Joe Lieberman actively legislated for the elimination of the filibuster, the congressional move which he now plans to utilize in opposition of the senate health care bill. Lieberman could not be reached for comment but did give a thumbs to reporters as he helped unload his monthly truck full of Summer's Eve.

5. This week Lou Dobbs said on his radio show that he and his wife were shot at while inside their home. But today, local police could not confirm if Dobbs was the intended target since hunting season brings an increase in shooting complaints and gunfire activity. The heavily Hispanic New Jersey law enforcement does however say they will take down all their "Dobbs Now In Season" signs.

High five.