Sweetin Sober & Pee-yew Poll

1. A new Pew Research Center poll finds that only 57% of Americans believe there is solid evidence for global warming, down nearly 20 points in 3 years. In other news, scientists have new evidence that the Earth is not only getting warmer, but that it is also in fact a brain-eating zombie.

2. In her new memoirs, Full House cast member Jodie Sweetin reveals new drug use that she engaged in after publicly claiming sobriety. Sweetin, a recovering meth, coke, and ecstacy addict, said that she even did coke before a college speaking engagement celebrating recovery and sobriety. Sweetin is clean now but -- waaaaaait a second... nice try, Stephanie Tanner. Tell us a story about secretly relapsing while being publicly sober so we won't suspect you're on the booger sugar now, eh? Did Gibbler put you up to this? How rude.

3. Microsoft is hoping to redeem itself with customers as it releases Windows 7 this week, their latest operating system that promises to correct the mistakes of XP and Vista. Microsoft says the new system will run quicker and feature a much sleeker interface. However, the software giant did keep one of their signature features: if you're an innovative young software company, booting Windows 7 will start a small fire in your warehouse.

4. On Thursday, the Obama administration decided to cut the pay of executives at bailed-out companies that exist thanks to taxpayer money. Some financial experts say this may cause talented executives, often the "brains" of the operation, to leave their "posts" and thus weaken a company further. Oh, they may leave their posts? The posts that wouldn't exist if they were allowed to continue to run their posts? Yeah...

5. Former Chicago bears quarterback Jim McMahon has sold his Northbrook mansion and is moving to Florida. The 9,626 square foot mansion features "a racquetball court that doubles as a basketball court and hockey rink, twin locker rooms and a steam room." The most unique feature of the estate is the large lawn which during summer months is kept extra short in the front and extra long in the back.

High five.