Barbaric Children & Gentile Glenn

1. On his radio show, Rush Limbaugh gloated that he spawned popular right wing personalities like Glenn Beck. "In 1988, I'm the only national conservative voice," said Limbaugh. "Now look at conservative media. Look what I have spawned." Remember when you were 7 and you saw a calf being born during a farm field trip, and you thought that was the most horrific image you could imagine?

2. Officials at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute are warning its students about playing the classic college game known as beer pong after 21 students were reported to have come down with swine flu. Beer pong is played by throwing ping pong balls into each others cups, forcing people to drink the cups the balls land in. The college is not discouraging students from playing, and in fact say now that their weaker players are out with swine flu they're finally ready to compete with other colleges.

3. Five juveniles are being held in Florida after they set a 15 year old on fire. The victim reportedly owed one of the suspects money for a video game. The suspects contend that they merely thought the 15 year old was food, and they hoped to have him cooked and brought back to their cave before the pterodactyls showed up.

4. On his radio show Tuesday, Glenn Beck drew a comparison between the White House's criticism of Fox News and the treatment of Jews during the Holocaust. Beck says the White House's criticism will spread to other news outlets just as the Nazi's spread their focus to groups other than the Jews. Don't worry, Glenn Beck, just like the Nazis, the White House probably won't waste their time with crying babies.

5. In an interview with Diane Sawyer, Afghan President Hamid Karzai is defending the controversial results of the most recent Afghan elections after a U.N.-backed panel found "widespread fraud." Karzai called the claims ridiculous saying that the election was "good and free and democratic." Karzai then showed off his new furniture made from 100% recycled election ballots.

High five.