Heir Jordan & ESPNfidelity

1. On Tuesday, Sean Hannity unveiled his show's new opening tag line, "Not White House Approved," reinforcing the anti-Fox News sentiment that seems to be growing with the Obama administration. This replaces the old tag line, "Racist White Uncle Approved."

2. On Sunday, comedian Dave Chappelle failed an attempt to break a standup endurance record he once held, when he used the bathroom after 5 hours. The current record of 7 hours 34 minutes is held by Dane Cook, which broke Chappelle's previous record of 6 hours. Still, most agree that Cook's record is somewhat tainted since he performed 4 hours and then spent 4 hours hyphenating and abbreviating his previous jokes.

3. Last week, Michael Jordan's son Marcus refused to wear Adidas shoes on the basketball court while playing for the University of Central Florida, even though the college has a contract with the company, and says he'll wear Nike Air Jordan's in honor of his dad. No agreement has yet been reached, but analysts say the sporting world has not dealt with an issue like this since Jesus insisted on playing college basketball naked in honor of what his daddy gave him.

4. ESPN analyst Steve Phillips, former GM of the New York Mets, has been suspended after an extra marital affair with a co-worker recently came to light. The 22 year old production assistant, Brooke Hundley, broke the news to Phillips' wife in a letter, forcing the story to come out. If you're scoring at home, ESPN's magical record of 61 days without a sex scandal set almost 10 years ago remains in tact.

5. Tropical Storm Rick hit Mexico's west coast on Wednesday toppling trees and forcing resort goers to take cover. Winds reached speeds of up to 55MPH, electricity was knocked out in multiple areas, and one bar-hopping tourist named Rick suddenly felt guilty for the self-prescribed name he'd been using on ladies all week.

High five.