Stolen Baby & Sold Baby

1. On Monday an Italian scientist Luigi Garlaschelli claimed that he has reproduced the famous Shroud of Turin, the cloak that's alleged to have wrapped up Jesus' dead body, proving it is a hoax. Scientists and believers alike have been rushing to prove or disprove the shroud's authenticity for centuries. However, Garlaschelli says this news should not focus on proving the Shroud's authenticity, but to instead celebrate the unveiling of his new "Shroud of Turin Snuggie."

2. British firm Miles Morgan Travel is planning a 2012 trans-Atlantic cruise to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the doomed Titanic voyage. Passengers will take off at Southampton, England, travel to the final resting place of the ship and then end in New York, where the Titanic was originally headed. Cruise organizers say there is no danger in the voyage because for good measure they're naming the ship "Completely Impervious."

3. Former Yankees and Twins second baseman Chuck Knoblauch was arrested for assaulting his common law wife Monday. Appearing in court last Tuesday, a judge set Knoblauch's bond at $10,000. According to reports, the former all-star attempted to throw his wife down the stairs, but missed and put her in right field. (credit: Chandler Goodman)

4. A recently kidnapped Tennessee baby was put in foster care today when authorities learned his mother was now trying to sell him. Yair Anthony Carillo was recovered from a strangers home on Friday, only to be taken away from his mother's house Monday along with his three siblings. To be fair though to the individuals trying to buy, sell, or steal this baby, he does have a birthmark on his belly resembling priceless misprinted upside down airplane stamps.

5. A group of conservatives has created the Conservative Bible Project which they say will eliminate liberalism from the Bible. The project sets to remove emasculating texts that contain unisex or gender-inclusive language, expand upon economic free-market parables, and focus on conciseness rather than "liberal wordiness." Still, says the group, in the tradition of conservatism the incest will remain.

High five.