Tara Reid & A Swift Hummer

1. It was announced early this morning that President Barack Obama is the recipient of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Obama reacted to the prize both surprised and humbled, though conservative pundits like Glenn Beck criticized the very idea. Fortune tellers say Beck is only upset because in the future, when the Fox News personality dies, Death will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

2. A General Electric plant in Louisville, KY reports that they have had over 10,000 people apply for 90 factory openings. The $27,000/year jobs include extensive benefits which analysts say is likely the driving factor for most applicants. Tragically, the applicants don't yet realize they'll all play a large role in GE's new Soylent Green Division.

3. On Friday, GM signed away their Hummer brand in a deal with Chinese automaker Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery Corp. rumored to be worth $150 million. Oh, poorly endowed Chinese, buying a brand of vehicle known for being excessively large that's named after a sex act involving the penis.

4. It was announced today that Tara Reid will appear naked in an upcoming Playboy issue. The American Pie star was shy at first because of scars from a botched liposuction, but quickly became comfortable. Unfortunately for Reid, her spread will appear in Playboy's new Sci-Fi offshoot magazine called The Time Traveler's Playboy: 1999.

5. Last week Beyonce finally chimed in on the Kanye West/Taylor Swift debacle on the MTV Video Awards when West took the mic from Swift during her acceptance speech and told the crowd that Beyonce had a better video. "Well, I knew his intentions, and I knew he was standing up for art," said Beyonce. Little did Beyonce know that West was actually standing up using the new software Auto-Stand.

High five.