Fat Crazy Kids & Fat Crazy GOP

1. An artist named Stephen Wiltshire was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. While in school, it was discovered that Wiltshire had the uncanny ability to redraw complex landscapes and buildings he saw from memory. Right now, Wiltshire is drawing the New York cityscape after a brief helicopter ride. What can't Stephen draw from memory? A girlfriend.

2. According to a new study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, antipsychotic drugs cause weight gain in children. Many doctors have been critical of prescribing powerful antipsychotics to anyone under 18 years old and say the added weight gain increases the risk of diabetes. Still, some analysts agree that the weight gain only makes it easier to spot and avoid children who are fucking insane.

3. This week the Walt Disney Company announced it would provide refunds to parents who purchased their Baby Einstein video series but did not see an improvement in their child's intelligence. Media watchdog groups have questioned the educational merit of Baby Einstein videos for years. Disney admits no wrongdoing and says that, while it will refund parents' money, they can do nothing about their retard babies.

4. In a column on Tuesday, Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol said that the GOP's future "center of gravity" will be comprised of media personalities like Glenn Beck, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh. There's a fat joke to be made here, but I'm going to take the high road and simply suggest that these three men lose the extra weight by getting off the antipsychotics. (See #2.)

5. On Tuesday, a 43 year old woman was arrested for attempting to exchange sex for Phillies' World Series tickets on Craigslist. Police found the ad, set up a sting operation, and after about 5 minutes per officer, arrested the woman on charges of prostitution.

High five.