Rat Island & Fingerprints

1. On Friday, an appeals court overturned a ruling that would have required George W. Bush to give a deposition under oath in a lawsuit regarding his presidential library. The panel of three judges said in a statement, "It's not that there's no reason for the former President to testify, it's just economic times are tough and we can't afford the interpreter."

2. A simple experiment by engineers in England has proven that fingerprints did not evolve in humans for the purpose of grip, as was previously thought. The engineers did not publicly state what they believe to be the true purpose of the fingerprint, but sources say they're working on a new scientific paper entitled, "Prehistoric Cop Shows."

3. Actor Stephen Baldwin's foreclosed New York home will reportedly go to auction after Baldwin defaulted on $824,000 in payments to the mortgage holding bank. Perhaps this will convince Stephen once and for all that God just doesn't like him very much.

4. After 229 years, Alaska's Rat Island is finally free of rats. The island became infested when a Japanese shipwreck let loose the rodents, nearly driving a local bird population to extinction. Scientists are confident the rats will not return but were shocked when they discovered another animal had stowed away on their research boats. Scientists are now finding a way to rid the island of Stephen Baldwin.

5. A photo taken by an Iowa woman may have revealed a new type of cloud. Scientists are hesitant to create a new cloud type and say more research is needed. However, some cloud aficionados such as the England-based Cloud Appreciation Society are pushing for scientists to recognize Jane Wiggins' photographed cloud as at least a subclass. After further investigation, the Cloud Appreciation Society member list is eerily similar to the member list of the Battlestar Galactica Fan Club.

High five.