2. On Wednesday, a bronze statue of Ronald Reagan was revealed in the Capitol Rotunda in Washington, D.C. The statue reportedly features a new advanced holographic fountain system. To onlookers, water appears to trickle down toward the base, but in fact it is just an illusion.
3. On Sunday, a robotic sub set the record for the deepest ocean dive, traveling 6.8 miles below the surface in the Mariana Trench, the ocean's deepest point. Scientists are now creating a robot to navigate the deepest trench on land: Paris Hilton.
4. A 25 year old Egyptian man cut off his own penis after his family refused to let him marry a lower-class girl. This man cut off his penis for love. Hey, 25 year old Egyptian man, you know what guys also do for love? They ignore their oppressive families, run off to marry their beautiful girls, and have lots of sex using their attached penises.
5. The anti-crime chief of Guinea says that they should burn all armed robbers caught in the act to avoid filling the country's already crowded prisons. The demand sounds preposterous, but to be fair, the anti-crime chief of New Guinea is a medieval Monty Python mob...
High five.
