Apple & Supermassive Black Holes

1. Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor fractured her ankle on Monday after tripping at New York's LaGuardia Airport. The federal judge is said to be doing fine and is even keeping her appointments with Senate members regarding the vote on her confirmation. When told of the story, Newt Gingrich folded his arms, pouted, and said, "Well... I still think she's stupid."

2. Engineers at the University of California Davis are raising new concerns about how green public transportation is compared to driving. Their studies show that when all data is considered, depending on certain factors such as occupancy levels, it is often greener to drive a car, even an SUV, than it is to ride a train. The news caused SUV sales to rise slightly while Craigslist and eBay report plummeting train sales.

3. Today, Apple Inc. cut the price of its entry level iPhone in half to $99. Did you hear that, ladies? You wanted more creepy guys drunk dialing you, gawking at your Facebook pictures, and generally having better technology to find you? Apple answered the call!

4. The Chinese government is now requiring all PC's to come equipped with anti-pornography software, continuing the country's lengthy history of Internet censorship. After already placing restrictions on the number of children you can have, and now restrictions on porn, Chinese leaders say "Operation: Make Humans Least Fun Species Ever" is well underway.

5. Scientists are reporting that the supermassive black hole in the nearby galaxy M87 is actually two or three times heftier than previously thought, about 6.4 billion times the mass of our sun. However, scientists say with great certainty that Rush Limbaugh is still as hefty as previously thought.

High five.