Ponzis & Plagiarism

1. A self-published author from Cape Cod is accusing View co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck of plagiarism. Author Susan Hassett says she sent Hasselbeck a copy of her book Living With Celiac Disease after finding out the star had the illness, but was later shocked when portions of the book were copied word for word in Hasselbeck's book The G-Free Diet. Hasselbeck denies the claims saying, "I think it's pretty obvious I can't read or write."

2. Legendary Tonight Show sidekick Ed McMahon died today at the age of 86. While news of his passing was met with an outpouring of support from the Hollywood community, a deceased Johnny Carson was heard muttering, "Thank God, I'm dyin' up here."

3. A 9 year old boy from Utah survived the night alone after his family lost him in the northern Utah forest. Grayson Wynne says he survived by following the examples of Bear Grylls of Man Versus Wild, one of his favorite TV shows. As night fell, Grylls tutelage paid off and Wynne quickly found a Best Western.

4. The defense lawyer for Bernard Madoff, the mastermind behind the largest Ponzi scheme in history which defrauded nearly $65 billion from investors, says that 12 years in prison is sufficient for the 71 year old. "After all," said lawyer Ira Lee Sorkin, "it's not like he's a pot-dealing Black guy."

5. IBM has been chosen by the U.S. government to build a 20-petaflop supercomputer for the National Nuclear Security Association (NNSA) -- 20 times faster than the fastest supercomputer in the world today. The NNSA says its systems are running too slow, but after taking a look the NNSA's setup, IBM assured them it'll run plenty fast as soon as they get rid of all the Clinton administration porn.

High five.