You've Got Blackmail

1. A 19 year old New Berlin, WI teen was sentenced to 15 years on Wednesday after being convicted of blackmailing his classmates for sex. Anthony Stand posed as a girl on Facebook and convinced 30 male classmates to send him naked pictures of themselves which he then used as blackmail. Facebook users became suspicious when the updates for Stand's female persona included options to "Comment," "Like," and "Be Blackmailed For Sex."

2. Senate candidate Mark Rubio of Florida is under fire this week after a leaked Republican Party American Express card statement showed a number of personal expenditures. Rubio says the leak was orchestrated by his campaign rival, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, and that all charges were to promote the Republican Party of Florida. In Rubio's defense, no personal credit card has a limit high enough for that much Christian baby blood.

3. A Milwaukee teenager was given a 100 year sentence on Thursday after pleading guilty to shooting and injuring two police officers. The 19 year old was reportedly stopped by police last summer for riding his bike on the sidewalk. The punishment may seem excessive... so just imagine he's a Nazi vampire.

4. Two teachers at a Winnepeg, Canada high school have been sent home without pay after they danced in a very sexually suggestive manner during a pep rally. "It looked like sex on the dance floor," said one 17-year-old. I know, I'm shocked too. Who knew Canadians had sex?

5. Scientist announced this week that they have discovered a new species of dinosaur in eastern Utah. The bones are said to belong to the plant-eating sauropod, thought to be the largest land animal ever. However, scientists digging in Utah were also shocked to find the dinosaur had been buried with his eight dino-wives.

High five.