No Teacher Left Behind

1. On Tuesday, Central Falls High School in Rhode Island passed a measure to fire all teachers at the end of the school year. The effort to revamp the worst 5% of the state's schools is part of an effort to compete for millions in federal funding. Unfortunately, this mass teacher exodus will also mean fewer students getting laid.

2. China's Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machines Co. said on Wednesday that it has decided to pull out of a deal to acquire General Motors Hummer line. GM has been trying to sell the Hummer brand to Tengzhong for the last year. Given that China's men outnumber China's women by 35 million, it's hard to understand why they'd turn down a Hummer.

3. Mark Williams, leader and spokesperson for the Tea Party Express, a series of nationwide anti-Obama bus tours, criticized President Obama in an email calling him "our half white, racist president." Williams goes on to point that this gives a bad name to all the pure white racists out there like himself.

4. A study done at San Diego State University shows that parents are choosing more unusual names these days. The study found that "40 percent of boys received one of the 10 most common names in the 1880s, while now fewer than 10 percent do," Still, say researchers, some naming truths remain consistent: if you name your child Todd, he will be a douche bag.

5. On Wednesday, an Italian judge ordered that three Google executives be held criminally responsible for a video posted to Google Video in which an autistic teenager is bullied. Though the verdict was met largely with criticism, the Milan prosecutor says he "protected a fundamental right, putting the interests of an individual before those of a business." Meanwhile high above the clouds on Mount Google, one exec swears he felt a tiny breeze just now, but his fellow execs convince him to ignore it and continue their daily regimen of having ultimate power.

High five.