Bunnin' The Oven

1. Today Senator from Kentucky Jim Bunning was criticized for single-handedly blocking a bill to extend unemployment benefits, saying he doesn't want to add to an already mounting deficit. "There is a time and a place and a purpose for debate on deficit reduction, but you don't make your stand on the back of the unemployed," said one critic. Bunning then returned to his Senate chamber desk and sat down in a chair made from 100% unemployed worker vertebrae he harvested personally.

2. On Friday, actor Jim Carrey became a grandfather when his daughter Jane gave birth to a baby boy in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, in a dimly lit movie studio exec's office, after years of waiting, the pre-planning stage of "Son of Son of Mask" is finally off and running.

3. Representative Charlie Rangel (D-NY) refused to step down on Friday after being criticized by an ethics panel for accepting corporate-financed trips to the Caribbean. "These allegations are ridiculous and hypocritical," said Rangel sipping from his fruity, umbrella-decorated Pina Colada.

4. After an uninvited couple crashed an Obama state dinner, Social Secretary Desiree Rogers is resigning from her post. At a press conference, Rogers thanked the President for the opportunity and welcomed the chance to move on to other things. The press conference was crashed by 3 couples, a delivery man, and a random hobo.

5. It was reported on Friday that sponsor Gatorade is dropping Tiger Woods as a string of extramarital affairs has tarnished the golfer's public image. "Here at Gatorade, we're all about physical activity that makes you sweat hard and breath hard," said a spokesperson. "And that's just not what people think about when they think Tiger Woods nowadays."

High five.