Homey Don't Play That

1. Interviewed outside the CPAC last week, actor Stephen Baldwin said he is not happy about what President Obama's been doing, but added that "homey made this bed, now he has got to lay in it." Baldwin wasn't referring to Obama as a homey but rather the homeless man he currently shares a box with outside the CPAC.

2. Gloria Allred, a lawyer made famous by her usually famous clients, called Tiger Woods' apology on Friday a "staged public relations stunt." Allred represents two of Woods' alleged mistresses. Allred held a press conference with alleged mistress Jocelyn James to voice their disappointment... and their support for new sponsor L'Oreal cosmetics!

3. Representative Anthony Weiner of New York said today that Obama's new health care proposal will be a 51 vote plan, meaning it will likely be passed by a simple Senate majority, or reconciliation. "[Winning the support of Republicans] will simply not happen," said Weiner. "We need to stop bargaining against ourselves." Critics however say Weiner is just excited about the bill plan because it covers his many penis medications.

4. According to new CNN/Opinion Research Corp. poll data released Sunday, 86% of Americans believe the current government system is broken. In future news, in a historic vote to implement key changes to fix the U.S. government, American voter turnout reached an all time high of 14%.

5. A rare Action Comics #1, the first comic to feature Superman, sold at an online auction last week for $1 million. The buyer who remains anonymous is said to be a well known individual in New York who has an exceptional comic collection. Not much information can be deduced about the buyer, but you can be sure his New York residence does not feature a horizontal toilet seat.

High five.