Quid Pro Snow

1. Utilizing the heavy snowfall this winter, a 25 year old Ohio man constructed a massive four-room igloo in his family's backyard. The laborer says the project kept him busy while he remained unemployed. The impressive structure contains cable TV, a surround sound stereo, and probably a bottle of lotion near a box of Kleenex.

2. In the new issue of Details magazine, Twilight star Robert Pattinson says that he's "allergic to vagina." This made Pattinson's photoshoot with the magazine, where he posed with many nude or near nude women, very difficult for him, he says. In other news, a small quake was registered by seismologists in the U.S. today when females across the nation simultaneously sprouted penises.

3. Porn star Joselyn James was upset recently when she was included in a set of golf balls that feature Woods' many alleged mistresses, saying they may promote violence against women. James then went back to providing a positive image of women with three men at once.

4. Recent economic numbers show that companies are hiring more temporary labor, but not moving onto permanent workers as is historically the case. The U.S. added 52,000 temporary jobs in January, the fourth straight month of gains, but continues to see a net loss of jobs overall. This however has not affected the still highly lucrative Negative Nancy and Debbie Downer industries.

5. On Sunday, a New York doctor and his pregnant wife were thrown off a grounded Spirit Airlines plane at LaGuardia Airport after the man repeatedly asked for water for his wife. Flight attendants told the couple it was against policy to serve water before the plane was in the air. In their defense, the flight attendants were awfully busy rounding up fat people to throw off.

High five.