God Hates Gaga & Palin Loves Crazy

1. Reverend Fred Phelps from Kansas declared in a press release today that "God Hates Lady Gaga." The very holy man went on to call Gaga a "proud whore" and a "simple slut." Reverend Phelps, are you forgetting that Mary was the one with two baby daddies?

2. On Wednesday, Sarah Palin revived her use of the "death panel" argument when she spoke to her followers. "Merged bill may b unrecognizable from what assumed was a done deal:R death panels back in?what's punishment 4not purchasing mandated HC?" said the former Alaskan Governor. This wasn't taken from Palin's twitter account, but rather the transcript from a live speaking engagement.

3. 35 year old Kristy Lee Roshia is being held in federal custody after threatening to hurt members of the first family during their visit to Hawaii later this week. Authorities confirmed that Roshia has a history of leaving crazy messages to the Secret Service. "Although [my] mission is to assassinate the president, [I have] no desire to hurt him," said Roshia in 2004. Ah, yes of course, the very effective "assassination by pleasure." Well planned, Sarah Connor.

4. A fugitive who recently escaped from an eastern England prison reportedly continues to update his Facebook page while still on the run, posting about everything from his meals to who he's going to be dating next. "Is thinkin, which lucky girl will be my first of 2010!!" said Lynch. Well, I hope your hands have girl names.

5. On Tuesday Spanish police seized a ship 200 miles off the Iberian coast hauling more than 1.5 tons of cocaine. Authorities reached the 150-foot ship's location in about 3 hours, but made the trip back in about 20 minutes.

High five.