Waterloo & Nurse Impersonators

1. A woman in Connecticut spent more than $2,000 to stage a dinner naming her "Nurse of the Year," and is now being charged by authorities for impersonating a nurse. She said she won the award as part of the Connecticut Nursing Association, but police say the group doesn't exist. You know there are men out there who will pay you $2,000 to pretend you're a nurse, right?

2. Boston Red Sox player David Ortiz and the Baseball Player's Association are planning a press conference on Saturday to address Ortiz's failed 2003 drug test. Ortiz denies any wrong doing and the Player's Association isn't openly admitting Ortiz took performance enhancers. However they will be holding the press conference inside one of Ortiz's leftover syringes.

3. Four Chinese Muslim ex-Guantanamo Bay prisoners have recently gotten jobs on a Bermuda golf course, helping to prepare it for the upcoming PGA Grand Slam. The jobs are only temporary, and their final country of residence has yet to be determined. It's just good to see ex-Guantanamo Bay prisoners go from such a terrible place to such an inclusive, welcoming sect of society like a luxury golf club.

4. Sharon Stone has been featured topless on the cover of a French magazine called Match. News of the 51 year old actress posing topless sent men all over the internet looking for a peak. The excitement however quickly died down when men realized it was not the 80's.

5. The 911 call center in Waterloo, Iowa is officially the first place in the U.S. where you can text a 911 emergency. Experts say this is a step in the right direction, though so far the only text message the 911 call center techs in Waterloo seem to be receiving is, "Help, I'm in Waterloo, Iowa."

High five.