Twilight & Hasselbeck

1. View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck gave birth to her third child over the weekend. Isaiah Timothy weighs in at 7 lbs 7 ounces and is the son of former NFL player Tim Hasselbeck. No word yet on when photos of Isaiah will be released, but the baby should be able to fill his mother's role on The View within the next few weeks.

2. G.I. Joe was released this weekend, taking in a colossal $100 million globally. The film overtook Julie & Julia, G-Force, and Harry Potter for the number one spot. The film's dominance proves once again that a large number of men's "packages" are largely "unsealed" and in "mint condition," or played with alone in a bedroom.

3. Vampire tourism is booming in the town of Forks, WA, the setting for the hugely popular Twilight series. The Fork's Chamber of Commerce says they've seen almost as many visitors in a month as they did all of last year. Sadly in other tourism news, the town of Punxsutawney, PA, setting for the comedy film Groundhog's Day, is reportedly just "the same shit over and over again."

4. Alpine villagers in Fieschertal and Fiesch are asking the Pope to step in and pray with them to stop a nearby glacier from continuing to melt. Swiss glaciers have shrunk about 12% in the last ten years. The villagers are hopeful that Pope Benedict will hear their plea, but experts agree that Benedict's power may be constricted by special interests like the Big Holy Water industry.

5. Gathering statistics from the Bureau of Transportation, Travel & Leisure Magazine has voted Salt Lake City the nation's best airport, with Portland, Washington and Minneapolis following close behind. Chicago and New York City airports were considered some of the most congested. And of course the worst airport, for the 68th year in a row: Pearl Harbor.

High five.