Mutha Huckabee & Tiny Lasers

1. Last week on his radio show, former governor Mike Huckabee said that under Obama's health plan, recently deceased Senator Ted Kennedy would have been told to "go home and take pain pills and die." Huckabee then kicked out a phat muthafuckin' jam on his bass.

2. PBS's Reading Rainbow, the show that aimed to make children book lovers, has ended after 26 years on the air. Winning more than two dozen Emmy's, only Sesame Street and Mr. Roger's Neighborhood have run longer on the network. John Grant, content director at Reading Rainbow's home station WNED Buffalo, says a budget crunch is partially to blame for the show's end. "However," Grant adds, "George W. Bush never liked the show and told us that no matter how hard he tried he could never read any rainbows."

3. Researchers at Georgia State University have created the world's smallest laser, 1,000 times smaller than a human hair. So far the potential applications range from taking images of molecules in our body to building computers 1,000 faster than current technology allows. Mostly, though, GSU scientists have begun using it to write tiny "Kick Me" signs on the backs of rival colleagues.

4. Former Miss California USA Carrie Prejean is now suing the pageant owned by Donald Trump for religious discrimination. Prejean says pageant officials told her not to mention God even before she made her controversial comments about gay marriage. Pageant officials say Prejean violated her contract by not attending pageant events, but Prejean insists she attended all the events Trump scheduled for her under the desk in his office.

5. A new study out of the National University of South Korea shows that asparagus may help ease hangovers. The research showed that asparagus extracts protected liver cells against alcohol toxins. See, dad, when police found me with no pants passed out on a pile of asparagus at a supermarket in the middle of the night, you said I was a moron. Apparently research shows otherwise.

High five.