A-Rod & iPhones

1. Researchers in Brooklyn have been developing an experimental drug that could someday be used to erase painful memories in humans. The drug is probably years away and will require more funding, but today the scientists received a billion dollars from George W. Bush.

2. North Korea went forward with a long-range rocket launch on Sunday, drawing the ire of the world community. The rocket, which traveled over 1,300 miles before splashing down in the Pacific, is considered by experts to be the beginning stages of an ICBM program. In unrelated news, North Korea has invested half its GDP in that drug that erases everyone's memory of this.

3. Yankees third basemen Alex Rodriguez won't be in the lineup on opening day because of hip surgery which will keep him out until mid-May. When asked about how he'll handle sitting out for so long, Rodriguez said, “Oh, I'm nailing Madonna, it's cool.”

4. Thousands of programmers are flocking to the popular iPhone to create games and applications as a way of making money in the troubled economy. But with over 25,000 programs available already, it's becoming increasingly more difficult to be profitable, leading many to call for the legalization and taxing of iPot.

5. Over the weekend, Roger Friedman, an entertainment columnist for Foxnews.com, was fired for reviewing the yet-to-be released film X-Men Origins: Wolverine using a pirated copy he downloaded off the internet. Fox News says the review has been removed from the site and that Glen Beck has already prepared a tearful monologue on the issue.

High five.