Bea Arthur & Nude Hikers

1. IBM has announced that it is in the home stretch of completing a computer program that will compete against human contestants from the show Jeopardy! Scientists say that if successful, Artificial Intelligence will have made a significant "leap forward." The company is already hard at work on a second, groundbreaking computer program that will actually battle cancer in online poker.

2. Beyonce Knowles, former Destiny's Child front woman turned solo artist and actress, is achieving box office success with her new film Obsessed taking in $28 million this past weekend. In a related story, Knowles Destiny's Child group mate Kelly Rowland also had reason to celebrate this weekend when she found a "cool looking rock on the beach."

3. Citizens in the Swiss Alps town of Appenzell Inner Rhodes have voted to ban nude hiking, an activity that had gained popularity in the region over the past year. Though the number of nude hikers was not very large, hiking traffic is expected to suffer significant shrinkage, says Mayor Virgin Van Tinypenis.

4. Legendary TV comedian Bea Arthur died on Saturday after an Emmy and Tony Award winning career. He was 86.

5. A 5.6 magnitude earthquake hit Mexico City on Monday, shaking a people that are already on edge due to the swine flu outbreak. With news of the quake, God felt bad for the Mexican people, saying, "They've been through a lot, but it'll all blow over pretty soo--oh shit, forgot about the Mexican zombies!"

High five.