What Would Jesus Shoot?

1. This weekend, federal authorities arrested 8 members of a Michigan Christian militia they had been monitoring after learning of an "imminent threat against police." Members had reportedly been undergoing paramilitary training, as well as learning how to shoot guns and construct explosive devices. Just like Jesus!

2. On Thursday, Sarah Palin's new show "Real American Stories" will debut on Fox News. This will be a radical change from standard programming, say Fox News heads. "We're excited to try real."

3. Filling in for Glenn Beck on his radio program recently, Doc Thompson criticized the new tanning salon tax in the health care bill, calling it racist against whites since only light skinned people go tanning. So white people who go tanning to become darker skinned are complaining that they are the subject of racism? Welcome to the world of the darker skinned!

4. US auto regulators said on Tuesday that it has asked the help of engineers at NASA to assist in the recent safety issues of Toyota cars. NASA responded, saying they are obliged to help in anyway they can. Toyota President Akio Toyoda is scheduled to be shot into space early Wednesday.

5. A new website called Cool Conservative has started a line of clothing made specifically for people with conservative ideals. The line of hats, shirts and mugs display conservative messages such as "I'm a fiscal conservative." Site founders say the gear is made in the "Good Ol' USA" -- their largest and most patriotic factory in China.

High five.