Game Of Inches

1. Playgirl is reportedly offering Jon Gosselin $20,000 to pose for a nude spread in the magazine. Playgirl extended the offer saying they would pay Gosselin $10,000 "for every inch after four." In future news, Jon Gosselin owes Playgirl $80,000.

2. Friday during meeting with Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and insurance company executives, President Obama read a touching letter from a woman in Ohio whom he thought represented what's wrong with the health care system today. Cancer survivor Natoma Canfield's 2009 premiums had increased 25% to $6,075, and in 2010 she was informed her premiums would be increased 40% to $8,496. Insurance executives said they were moved by the letter, but that state of the art robotics have yet to perfect tears 001110100100101001101011011101001010111.

3. West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd today criticized his local paper's editorial page, saying it reads like "barkings from the nether regions of Glennbeckistan." Oh, silly old Robert Byrd, the citizens of Glennbeckistan can't read or write!

4. On Saturday, Sarah admitted to an Alberta, Canada crowd that she has crossed the border for Canadian health care. Palin has been a vocal critic of a single payer, government run health system she says will birth things like "death panels." Canada does in fact have death panels, but gosh they're just the nicest bunch a death panels you could imagine.

5. On Monday, a day after parliamentary elections in Iraq, the two major parties -- the Iraqi Prime Minister's State of Law coalition and the Iraqiya party -- are both claiming to be ahead as the vote count continues. With results expected Tuesday, no side is backing down and some in the parties are already claiming victory. Claiming victory in an election you may not have won at all? They really have become a democracy!

High five.