3-Trini-D

1. In an effort to lure younger viewers a national Catholic television channel has debuted a variety of 3-D programming. "It's a way for us to show that we believe the message we have is relevant," says CatholicTV director Reverend Robert Reed. In future news, CatholicTV 3-D programming was scrapped today after it was discovered younger audiences have a natural fear of reverends coming towards them.

2. In an attempt to derail the Health Care Reform legislation, GOP senators have been proposing amendments they hope will make it tough for Democrats to vote no on. These include an amendment to prohibit the coverage of Viagra for child molesters and rapist and another prohibiting funding to the activist group ACORN. But maybe the trickiest is from Senator Chuck Grassly from Iowa, whose amendment proposes that "Whoever votes for the Health Care Reform bill also enjoys the eating of farts, poop, and potentially boogers."

3. Members of the GOP are invoking an obscure Senate rule that will halt all hearing after 2pm in protest of Democrats use of reconciliation to pass health care reform. "There will be no cooperation for the rest of the year," said Sen. John McCain. Democrats were of course disappointed, but say they're used to not seeing John McCain after his 2pm bedtime.

4. In a video released today of their first week in Haiti, former presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush shake hands with local Haitians. In one peculiar moment, Bush appears to shake hands with a local and then wipe his hand off on Clinton's shirt. However, experts say the more likely explanation is that Bush is simply comfortable with Clinton... and that Clinton's sexual prowess continues to know no bounds.

5. The father who hoaxed authorities and the nation into believing his son had accidentally taken off in a balloon floating high above Colorado was released from prison today. After a 90 day sentence, Richard Heene, his wife and kids, left the police station in the family car... or did they really? DUM DUM DUM!

High five.