Spring Spraining

1. Chicago Cubs first baseman Derrek Lee reportedly suffered a minor back injury after a chair collapsed on him while eating. Experts agree the organization is shaping up to the best Cubs team in decades.

2. It was announced on Tuesday that Jersey Shore cast members Jenni "Jwoww" Farley and Ronnie Ortiz-Magrowill be writing a book called Never Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore. The book, due out in July, will "explain how to balance work, love, and partying, while properly taking care of hair, nails, and skin." The book is being written with the help of Marc Shaprio and Hooked On Phonics.

3. On April 1st, the University of Puget Sound will be holding its annual Edible Books Festival. The festival is a display of works of edible art based on works of literature. So now you'll have the chance to crap out a James Patterson novel probably in much the same way he does.

4. AT&T said today that because of the new health care law they will need to take a $1 billion charge and may need to reduce health benefits to their current and past employees. AT&T actually discovered this information days ago but finally got a signal and called the press.

5. A new poll released by Harris Interactive shows that 29% of Republicans believe President Obama wants to "turn over the sovereignty of the United States to a one world government," 20% say he's "doing many of the same things Hitler did," and 24% say he "may be the anti-Christ." In other news, reading died today, at the age of 10,000.

High five.