Peepholes & Concealed Weapons

1. Today the California legislature reached an agreement to close the state's $26 billion budget gap. The state representatives worked through the night but at long last agreed on a workable solution, detonating a nuclear warhead within the San Andrea's fault and sending California to the bottom of the Pacific.

2. Senator John Thune of South Dakota is proposing an amendment to a military bill that would allow people to carry concealed weapons across state lines. Police experts say concealed weapons are very difficult to detect, but perhaps not nearly as difficult as detecting Senator Thune's concealed intelligence.

3. Defense Secretary Robert Gates said that he plans to increase the size of the U.S. military by 22,000. When asked what kind of new ad campaign the military was planning to meet these recruitment numbers, Gates replied, "Ban abortion."

4. ESPN reporter Erin Andrews is taking legal action after a video of her walking naked in her hotel room surfaced on the internet, apparently filmed through a peephole. Andrews' attorney is working with authorities to catch the culprits. In other news, a naked Star Jones drilled a 6 foot hole in her hotel room wall.

5. NASA released images today showing a scar on Jupiter, suggesting it was hit by some unidentified object. Some scientists say a comet struck the gas giant, but other experts contend the impact was caused by Earth's massive boner after viewing the Erin Andrews video. Watch out for Uranus.

High five.