Martian Healthcare & Ethics Law Violations Squared

1. In an interview Tuesday, NASA administrator Charles Bolden Jr. said that humans will definitely reach Mars during his lifetime. Bolden then theatrically drew back a curtain to reveal two astronauts planting an American flag on a poorly replicated Martian landscape. "Heh? ... Heh??" added Bolden.

2. During a heated national debate in the U.S. over healthcare, a new poll shows that Canadians generally like the healthcare they receive. While some are frustrated with long waits, 65% of Canadians say they have all the affordable healthcare they need, everything from simple checkups to the more complicated beaver hat replacement.

3. A new report today charges that Alaskan governor Sarah Palin may have violated ethics laws by taking money to pay of legal debts. No, you read correctly. Sarah Palin may be violating ethics laws to pay off legal debts resulting from possible violation of ethics laws. Do you think this is like porn to ethics law investigators?

4. Yahoo unveiled a new site design today, giving users nearly absolute customization ability. The company says it will take web surfers a short time to acclimate themselves to the redesign, but adds that the "Popular Searches" feature will remain so men quickly know what female celebrities have recently been caught naked.

5. With former NFL quarterback Michael Vick out of prison after serving 18 months for felony dog fighting charges, one question remains for NFL commissioner Roger Goodell: Should Vick be reinstated with a goalpost-chained leash that is only 50 yards long, or will it go the full 100?

High five.