SpongeBob & Meth

1. States are flooded with stimulus money designated for weatherizing homes across the country. President Obama praises this part of the stimulus bill saying it will cut costs for low income families, provide jobs, and make the country more energy efficient. Many experts also see this as a welcomed alternative to Senator Rick Santorum's legislative push to make houses more "abortion proof."

2. NASCAR is reporting today that driver Jeremy Mayfield has again tested positive for methamphetamines after failing a random drug test on May 9th. NASCAR suspected something was wrong with Mayfield after watching his last race. Officials said the driver seemed anxious, incoherent, and physically pushed his car around the track at nearly 200MPH.

3. San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers was defeated recently in a skills competition by a high school player. The pro quarterback, host of the football camp where the competition took place, said win or lose he was happy to compete against the kids. Rivers however was unhappy to hear his wife invite the high school player back to their house to see what other skills he could surpass Rivers in.

4. Judy Chu today became the first Chinese American woman elected to Congress and now serves as a Representative to California. At a press conference, Chu said she was proud to be a part of this historic day and hopes to use her new job to dispel Chinese and Asian stereotypes. Chu then kung fu flipped into her car and sped away without signaling.

5. This week a 6 year old Michigan boy wowed onlookers when he hit an 85 yard hole-in-one using his SpongeBob SquarePants golf ball. The boy said he isn't sure when he'll get another ace, but one thing is sure: this is the most uplifting story possible using the phrase "SpongeBob balls."

High five.