Thursday, January 21, 2010

Democrats Hit With Brown Mass

1. Glenn Beck on Wednesday criticized newly elected senator from Massachusetts Scott Brown for letting the audience know during his victory speech that his two daughters were both available. In unrelated news, telephone companies reported increased outages due to an overload of calls by Jewish and Italian mothers.

2. It's been reported that Fox News' Megyn Kelly will leave America's Newsroom and be given her own show. "I'm thrilled to embark on this new opportunity and look forward to delivering the news during what is shaping up to be one of the most historic news periods of our time," Kelly said. Fox News delivering news? That is historic.

3. NBC Nightly News won in the ratings this week, beating out all other broadcast news during the earthquake relief coverage in Haiti. NBC is also gaining huge ratings in late night as Conan O'Brien and the network near the end of a tumultuous relationship. The network hopes to continue their high ratings into the new year by replacing Carson Daly's Last Call with live uninterrupted footage of a fault line.

4. Based on preliminary research, health experts are warning people about the dangers of sitting for extended periods of time. They point to several studies which show that "people who spend most of their days sitting are more likely to be fat, have a heart attack or even die." You heard the experts: stay standing at all times and never die.

5. According to a new report in the Augusta Chronicle, a whites-only basketball league is planning a 12 city tour this summer. The All-American Basketball Alliance wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of "street-ball" played by "people of color," says commissioner Don Lewis. "Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?" he adds. Well if the friends who go to basketball games with you weren't worried before, Mr. Lewis, they probably will be now.

High five.