1. A Canadian woman's claim that Keanu Reeves is the father of her children was thrown out of court Thursday after the judge called the paternity suit "incredible." Karen Sala says she and Reeves had a sexual relationship and lived together, but Reeves denies even meeting the woman. DNA test results prove Reeves is not the father, but Sala says Reeves probably used hypnosis to affect the results. See kids, despite how cool your friends say it is, it's not okay to watch The Matrix after eating a duffel bag full of Absinthe-soaked mushrooms.
2. The New Jersey Senate today defeated a gay marriage bill 20-14 making gay marriage legislation in the state very unlikely in the coming year. New Republican governor Chris Christie takes office later this month and has vowed to veto any such measure for her state. And tonight on MTV's Jersey Shore, the boys hit the tanning beds, spend the day shopping for clothes, then it's off to the salon!
3. Thursday on his radio show Glenn Beck criticized using the term "African American," calling it PC and not a race. "Either your family was brought over through the slave trade or you were born here and your family emigrated here or whatever but that is not a race," said Beck. Glenn Beck: Eliminating neighborhoods he can safely drive through one show at a time!
4. Joe Lieberman's approval rating in Connecticut has reportedly been in a landslide according to a new poll. Senator Lieberman was given bad marks by 67% of his constituents, including 80% of Democrats, 48% of Republicans, and 61% of Independents. Today in response, Lieberman introduced legislation to the Senate banning smiles and cuddliness.
5. Ford showed off their new dashboard gadget at the Consumer Electronics Show on Thursday touting the devices wide range of features. The dashboard allows car owners to use Twitter, listen to internet radio, and get free turn by turn directions, all through either a touch screen or voice command. However, critics question some features of the new Ford dashboard, including what it calls the "latest in pink-slip printing technology. "
High five.
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