1. In a recent Newsweek interview, Arizona Sen. John McCain says he's never considered himself a maverick. "I consider myself a person who serves the people of Arizona to the best of his abilities," said McCain. McCain later clacked his dentures at a Tucson crowd and announced he's more of an "Iceman."
2. On Sunday, New York Catholic Archbishop Timothy Dolan addressed the sexual abuse scandal saying, "Nobody nowhere has confronted this crisis... better than the Catholic Church." Read all about it in this month's issue of Awkward Double Negative Usage Magazine.
3. A Vanderbilt college pitcher suffered a horrific injury this weekend against Florida when a line drive ricocheted off his knee cap, splitting it in two. The left-handed pitcher somehow managed to make an amazing defensive play despite the injury. Today in the ER, the Chicago Cubs signed the pitcher to a lucrative multi-year deal.
4. A report released by Facebook shows that of the 400 million people who make up the social network only 30% live within the US. Today the United States tried capitalizing on the report by creating the Facebook group "If This Page Gets One Million Fans, The US Will Rename Its Constitution Skeletor."
5. On Saturday, about two dozen women marched topless in Portland, Maine to promote equality among the sexes. "A topless woman out in public shouldn't attract any more attention than a man who walks around without a shirt," said the groups organizer. And the 500 male supporters who had gathered around them enthusiastically agreed.
High five.
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