1. A group of Texas cheerleaders is in trouble after reportedly putting urine into a teammate's drink. Many of the girls responsible have been suspended by the school but all have been offered photo shoots by Hustler.
2. David Cross told TV.com recently that a movie version of the hit show Arrested Development "is not going to happen" and that too much time has gone by since the show's cancellation. "It's been years," says Cross. "Micheal Cera is 32 years old now." Experts agree that Cera can really only play the soft-spoken, but awkwardly rambling teenager for about 15 more years.
3. According to a recent Ipsos poll, 20% of people believe that aliens exist and that they walk among us disguised as humans. In future news, the Sarah Palin/Michelle Bachmann ticket did not succeed in winning the presidency today, but did manage to garner 20% of the vote.
4. Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens announced his retirement on Friday, paving the way for President Obama to appoint a new judge in his place. Experts are not sure if Obama will nominate a more liberal judge as with the most recent Justice Sotomayor, or perhaps match the skill level of conservative Justice Samuel Alito with urine-soaked poop on a stick.
5. A solar-powered plane in Switzerland made a successful maiden flight on Wednesday, climbing nearly a mile into the sky at 28mph for 90 minutes. The plane is scheduled to attempt a round-the-world flight in 2012 without a single drop of fuel. That, say engineers, should allow them to reach the ultimate goal of using renewable energy to circumnavigate the Earth with a crying baby.
High five.
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