1. On The O'Reilly Factor Tuesday, Senator John McCain agreed with a harsher new immigration bill in Arizona that critics say could lead to racial profiling. McCain says he doesn't want racial profiling but that cars with illegal immigrants are "intentionally causing accidents on the freeway." One illegal, however, said today that he wouldn't have gotten into that accident if McCain hadn't had his blinker on for the last 50 exits.
2. On Thursday, President Obama predicted that an American will land of Mars within his lifetime. Despite recent criticism, Obama says he hopes to have astronauts orbiting Mars by the 2030's and landing on the planet soon after. And then, said Obama, a complete revamping of NASA's Tang division.
3. In Florida, a judge is prepared to hear a case brought by multiple "Tea Party" political groups over who has the right to use the Tea Party name. His next case involves two men who both want the vanity license plate "I Love Hilter!"
4. Scott Baio's wife Renee is in hot water for calling the website Jezebel.com a "bunch of far left lesbian shitasses," after they made fun of her husband last week. "I have lesbian friends who couldn't be nicer," explained Renee. Lesbians across the nation, however, are conflicted on the issue: on one hand they don't at all approve of Renee's homophobic language, on the other hand, without Scott Baio, most lesbian hairstyles wouldn't exist today.
5. A new study by British researchers shows that brain exercises don't improve brain cognition in any way, despite a popular trend in brain strengthening games. The online experiment studied 11,000 participants over a 6 week period and concluded that subjects only improved on the individual tasks and not overall brain training. In other news, pornography site traffic shot up 100,000% today.
High five.
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